Dealing with covert narcissists can be tricky. They use emotional tricks and gaslighting to control others1. It’s important to know the phrases they use to protect yourself.
Covert narcissists seem caring but hide their true selves12. They use words to confuse and control others. This guide will show you 100 things covert narcisissts say.
Key Takeaways
- Covert narcissists are experts at emotional manipulation and gaslighting.
- Understanding the common phrases they use can help identify and protect against their toxic behaviors.
- Covert narcissists often appear caring on the surface while engaging in subtle, manipulative tactics.
- Recognizing their use of language is crucial for breaking free from their control.
- This comprehensive guide will unveil 100 revealing phrases that expose the hallmarks of covert narcissism.
What Covert Narcissists Say in Arguments
Covert narcissists are experts in manipulation and word games. They try to lower the intensity of your distress by downplaying your feelings. They might say “It’s no big deal, don’t be so melodramatic!” to make you feel your emotions are wrong3.
They often blame everything on their partner. Saying “You made me do it” or “I wouldn’t have gotten angry if you hadn’t done X, Y, or Z.”3 This makes their partner feel less worthy. It’s emotional abuse and gaslighting4.
“Narcissistic abuse involves manipulation, emotional exploitation, and a lack of empathy, occurring in close relationships, such as romantic partnerships, family, friends, or co-workers.”4
To stand up to a covert narcissist, it’s key to spot their tricks and set clear boundaries. Getting support from friends or professionals can also help you handle these tough situations4.
What Narcissists Look for in Relationships
Narcissists look for partners who give them lots of attention and admiration. They often pick people who are less intelligent or have low self-esteem. This makes it easier for them to control and use their partners5.
They also want partners who can give them validation through money, status, or adoration. They know how to find people who are emotionally dependent. This lets them get away with their narcissistic ways5.
Covert narcissists use subtle manipulation tactics, narcissistic word games, and narcissistic blame-shifting to stay in control. They choose partners who are confident and charismatic. These people can match the narcissist’s big dreams and plans5.
Narcissists seem charming and perfect at first. But soon, their true nature shows. This leaves their partners feeling worthless, alone, and drained6.
“Narcissists have a strong sense of self-importance, crave admiration, exploit others, and lack empathy – traits that can make them particularly appealing in the early stages of a relationship, but ultimately lead to the demise of the relationship.”5
It’s important to understand what narcissists want and how they manipulate. Knowing this can help people make better choices and stay safe from narcissistic abuse56.
25 Things Covert Narcissists Say in Relationships
Covert narcissists are experts at controlling their partners. They use certain phrases to lower their partner’s self-esteem and shift blame. Here are 25 common things they say in relationships:
You feel very jealous and insecure
This phrase is a way for narcissists to belittle their partners. They pretend their partners are the insecure ones, when they are actually the ones needing constant praise7.
All of my exes have been crazy
Covert narcissists often talk about their exes being “crazy.” Then, they ask if their current partner might be crazy too. This is a way to make their partner doubt themselves, making it seem okay when the truth about the narcissist’s past comes out7.
You’re overreacting
Narcissists tell their partners they’re overreacting, even if they don’t know what’s bothering them. They’re so self-focused, they can’t see things from anyone else’s view. They don’t get why anything could be wrong with them7.
I love you more than anything else on earth
This statement is conditional. It depends on the partner being exactly who the narcissist wants them to be. If the partner does something wrong, the narcissist’s love vanishes. This is a way for them to manipulate7.
You have trouble trusting others
Narcissists don’t get why their partners can’t just trust them. They think if someone does wrong, that person is bad and untrustworthy. They lack empathy and can’t see things from others’ perspectives7.
Covert narcissists use these phrases to control and undermine their partners. Knowing these tactics can help protect you from narcissistic abuse87.
You need to develop tougher skin
Narcissists often say “you need to develop tougher skin” to justify their abuse9. This means they tell their partner to just “toughen up” and accept their harsh treatment. They shift the blame from themselves to the partner’s supposed weakness9. It’s a way for narcissists to keep control and avoid blame for their manipulative tactics, word games, and blame-shifting.
No one should have to be tougher to handle emotional abuse10. Healthy relationships are about respect, empathy, and taking responsibility10. But narcissists can’t truly connect emotionally. They want to dominate and control their partners11.
“Confronting covert narcissists may lead to the manipulation of the situation, where the victim is made to feel at fault.”11
If you hear this from someone, realize it’s a narcissistic tactic. It’s meant to lessen the abuse’s impact and blame you9. You should be treated with kindness, empathy, and respect, not manipulated or played with.
Setting clear boundaries and focusing on your well-being helps you escape narcissistic abuse and take back your power11. Remember, you’re not the issue. The problem is the narcissist’s tactics of blame-shifting.
You made me do it—so don’t blame me
Narcissists are great at avoiding blame and shifting it to others. They often say “You made me do it—so don’t blame me.”12 This phrase is a way to avoid taking responsibility. They claim their actions were forced by someone else12. But really, they’re just trying to seem like the victim.
We complement each other perfectly
Narcissists say they’re a perfect match to lure people in12. At first, they shower their partner with love and attention12. But once they have control, they start to criticize and manipulate their partner.
Dealing with a narcissistic manipulator is tough13. Victims often doubt their sanity and worth13. It’s key to spot these tactics and get help to escape the abuse.
“The manipulative behavior of covert narcissists involves treating people with contempt, disregard, and disdain.”13
Knowing how narcissists manipulate can help protect you1312. It’s important to recognize these tactics and get the help you need to move on from such relationships1312.
No wonder you have so few friends
Narcissists often say this to make their partner feel bad and unsure of themselves14. They might use what they know about their partner’s friends to seem better and belittle their partner’s relationships15. This helps the narcissist feel more in control and boosts their own ego15.
By saying their partner has “so few friends,” narcissists play narcissistic word games and narcissistic blame-shifting15. They’re saying there’s something wrong with the partner, not their own bad behavior15.
This narcissistic manipulation tactic aims to lower the partner’s self-esteem and make them feel alone and dependent on the narcissist15. By doubting the partner’s social skills, the narcissist keeps a false sense of being better and in charge15.
“The narcissist’s goal is to make their partner feel inferior and insecure, so they can maintain a sense of power and control in the relationship.”
It’s key to see through these narcissistic manipulation tactics and not take the narcissist’s lies to heart14. Looking for support and resources is vital to break the trauma bond and find your true self-worth14.
You’re too soft-hearted and easily hurt
Narcissists are experts at making their partners feel bad. They often say “you’re too soft-hearted and easily hurt.”16 This is meant to make their partner feel less important or weak. They use this to avoid talking about real problems and keep the focus on themselves.
Let’s Concentrate on the Positive Aspects
When their partner brings up issues, narcissists might say, “Let’s focus on the good things.”16 This tactic helps them avoid blame and change the topic. By focusing on the positive, they stop their partner from sharing their true feelings and keep their story going.
Phrases like “you’re too soft-hearted and easily hurt” and “let’s focus on the positive” show how narcissists manipulate. Narcissistic manipulation tactics, narcissistic word games, and narcissistic blame-shifting can really hurt someone. These actions can make people feel ignored, confused, and unsure of themselves
“The only effective way to deal with a narcissist or a psychopath is often seen as complete disengagement from the relationship or situation.”16
Knowing about these tactics helps protect you from narcissistic people. By being careful and taking care of yourself, you can handle these tough situations better. This way, you can keep your self-respect.
You’re so self-centered
A narcissist might say you’re self-centered, which is very hurtful17. They often don’t see their own self-absorption. Instead, they blame their partner for it17. This is a common way narcissists play narcissistic word games and shift blame.
Some people become self-centered for many reasons, like being overly praised as kids or being too spoiled17. But narcissists take it to an extreme. They ignore others and only think about themselves17.
Covert narcissists are quieter and seem more sensitive18. But they don’t really care about others18. They’re great at narcissistic manipulation tactics, hiding their true nature for a long time19.
It’s important to set boundaries with narcissists to protect yourself19. Knowing how narcissism works helps you deal with these tough situations. It’s key for your well-being.
Things Covert Narcissists Say
Covert narcissists are experts in manipulation. They use subtle tactics to control others20. They might say they’ve been through a lot or feel unappreciated. They keep a charming look while doing this20. Knowing what they say can help spot warning signs.
They often use phrases to control and manipulate6. Saying “You’re overreacting” or “I am always misunderstood” are common6. They also say “You’re too sensitive” to lower your confidence and twist the story6.
They might say “I was just joking” to hide insults6. Saying “If you really loved me, you would…” is a way to control you6. Saying “You’re imagining things” makes you doubt your own thoughts6.
What causes covert narcissism is complex5. It could be genetics, childhood issues, or personality5. They might act this way if they feel ignored or jealous5.
Covert narcissists act differently but still show they think they’re important5. They can be hard to spot early on because of their sneaky ways5.
They use shaming and confusion to keep power5. They target people who care a lot, using them for their own gain5. They ignore others and show they don’t value them5.
Things Covert Narcissists Say in an Argument
Covert narcissists often use tricks to blame others, confuse them, and dodge responsibility in arguments21. They might say their partner doesn’t understand them, making it seem like the issue is with the partner, not them22. This trick, called gaslighting, makes the partner doubt their own thoughts and feel unsure.
They might also ask, “Why can’t you ever see my point of view?”, to shift blame and make the partner seem unreasonable22. This way, the narcissist avoids blame and keeps manipulating the situation.
You’re Just Misunderstanding What I’m Saying, as Usual
By saying their partner doesn’t get them, covert narcissists dodge criticism and seem superior22. This trick creates doubt and confusion, making the partner doubt their own thoughts and experiences.
Why Can’t You Ever See My Point of View?
Narcissists often find it hard to see things from another’s point of view and get defensive when they don’t agree22. By blaming the partner and questioning their understanding, the narcissist avoids responsibility and keeps control in the relationship.
Knowing how narcissists manipulate and shift blame can help people deal with these tactics better when arguing with a covert narcissist2122.
Examples of Covert Narcissism
Covert narcissism, also known as vulnerable narcissism, is when someone feels very important inside but needs lots of attention and praise20. Unlike overt narcissists, they hide their true feelings and act passive-aggressive, making them hard to spot20. They often feel anxious in social situations and struggle to make real connections, using self-pity to get attention20.
Covert narcissists tend to have more anxiety and depression than overt ones, and they hide their feelings, leading to more depression and trouble feeling happy20. Yet, they still want admiration and use sneaky ways to get praise for their skills and achievements20. They might even do kind acts just to get praise and boost their own image20.
The article lists 15 phrases often said by covert narcissists, showing how they manipulate23. It also gives 15 examples of how they argue, using passive-aggressive and manipulative ways23. The text also shares 10 signs of covert narcissistic behavior and phrases, showing what to watch for23. Plus, it explains 10 things a covert narcissistic friend might say, showing how they manipulate in friendships23.
Covert narcissists often say things like “You’re overreacting” or “I am always misunderstood” to dodge blame and lower others’ confidence6. Saying “I was just joking” after an insult is another way they keep up a high image6. They might also say “If you really loved me, you would…” to play on feelings and control actions6.
They might call someone “too sensitive,” say “Nobody else sees it that way,” or gaslight with “You’re imagining things.”6 Covert narcissists can also blame others, saying “You always make everything about yourself.”6 Knowing these behaviors helps you spot and protect yourself from a covert narcissist’s tricks6.
10 Things Narcissistic Friends Say
Dealing with narcissistic friends can be tough and draining. They use manipulative tactics, word games, and blame-shifting to keep control. They often say they’re “always there” for you, making them seem essential24.
They might also tell you how lucky you are to have them. This shows they think they’re better than you, making you feel thankful and less important24.
- I’m always there for you, aren’t I?
- You’re lucky to have me as a friend.
“Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is often likened to defending oneself against a shark, requiring strength and resolve to break free from their manipulative tactics.”24
It’s important to recognize these tactics and set clear boundaries. Being aware of their behavior helps you protect yourself and meet your own needs24.
You’re not alone in dealing with these tough relationships. Getting help from mental health experts or close friends can make a big difference24.
Best Ways to Deal with Things Covert Narcissists Say
Dealing with covert narcissists can be tough, but there are ways to stay safe. The key is to stay calm, set clear boundaries, and not let them manipulate you.25
A key move is to not justify your actions or feelings. Covert narcissists often try to make you doubt yourself6. Instead, use “I” statements to share your feelings and needs. For example, say “I feel hurt when you say that” instead of “You hurt my feelings.”6
It’s also key to not attack them back or retaliate. Covert narcissists love drama and conflict, so staying calm and detached takes away their reaction.26 Instead, set clear boundaries and walk away if the talk isn’t going anywhere.
- Take care of yourself and focus on your happiness. Do things that make you feel good and keep you balanced26.
- Avoid feeling like a victim. Their actions may be hurtful, but focusing on your strength helps you handle the situation better26.
- If you can, keep a record of their actions in a journal. This can make you feel validated and grounded over time25.
Remember, dealing with a covert narcissist takes patience, kindness to yourself, and a focus on your mental health.26 By setting boundaries, keeping your distance emotionally, and looking after yourself, you can get through these tough times with strength.
“The best way to deal with a narcissist is to avoid playing their game. Set boundaries, protect your mental health, and remember that their behavior shows their own issues, not yours.”
Conclusion
Dealing with narcissistic abuse and emotional manipulation is tough, but knowing how covert narcissists act is key to protecting yourself27. Spotting signs like entitlement, manipulation, and a lack of empathy helps you set healthy limits and avoid being emotionally abused27.
Getting better and growing personally is hard, but it’s doable, even with a narcissist’s hurtful actions27. Focus on taking care of yourself, get help when you need it, and be around people who support you. This way, you can deal with covert narcissism and get back your self-worth and power27.
The path is tough, but the benefits of setting boundaries, being aware of yourself, and taking back your power are huge. By going through this, you can heal from covert narcissism and come out stronger, more resilient, ready for future relationships and challenges2728.
FAQ
What is a covert narcissist and how do they manipulate their victims?
Covert narcissists use subtle tactics to control their victims. They charm and mislead, making their targets doubt their own sanity.
How do covert narcissists minimize their partner’s emotions during arguments?
They downplay their partner’s feelings, saying things like “It’s no big deal.” They blame the situation on their partner, making them feel inferior.
What types of partners do narcissists tend to seek out?
Narcissists look for confident, charismatic people who match their grand plans. They prefer partners who are less smart or have low self-esteem. They want those who give them attention, money, or validation.
What are some common things covert narcissists say in relationships?
They might say they feel jealous and insecure or accuse their partner of overreacting. They claim to love their partner deeply but condition it on the partner fitting their ideal.
How do covert narcissists shift blame and avoid responsibility?
They blame others, saying “You made me do it.” They claim they and their partner are perfect together, justifying their abuse. They tell their partner to be tougher to avoid responsibility.
What are some other manipulative things covert narcissists say?
They might say their partner has few friends, implying there’s something wrong with them. They call their partner too soft-hearted or self-centered to belittle their feelings.
How can covert narcissists gaslight their partners in arguments?
They say their partner misunderstands them, making it seem like the problem is with the partner. They ask “Why can’t you see my point of view?” to blame the partner.
What are some examples of covert narcissistic behaviors?
Covert narcissism includes being passive-aggressive, playing the victim, and using subtle put-downs. They may withhold affection, gaslight, and avoid responsibility for their actions.
What do narcissistic friends often say?
They might say they’re always there for you, implying they’re essential. They tell you how lucky you are to have them, showing a sense of superiority.
How can someone effectively deal with a covert narcissist?
Stay calm, set clear boundaries, and avoid justifying yourself. Don’t attack personally, take care of yourself, and seek support. Use “I” statements, fact-check memories, and manage your reactions to protect your emotional health.
Source Links
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- 12 (Unmistakable) Signs of a COVERT Narcissistic Mother – https://daughtersrising.info/2021/04/09/covert-narcissistic-mother/
- Things Narcissists Say in an Argument (And How to Respond) – https://www.simplypsychology.org/things-narcissists-say-in-an-argument.html
- Things Narcissists Say | Charlie Health – https://www.charliehealth.com/post/things-narcissists-say-in-an-argument-and-what-they-really-mean
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- 10 Things Covert Narcissists Say (and How to Respond) – https://www.truity.com/blog/10-things-covert-narcissists-say-and-how-respond
- What Are Some Common Phrases Used by Covert Narcissists? – https://www.medicinenet.com/common_phrases_used_by_covert_narcissists/article.htm
- 25 Things Narcissists Say in Relationship & What They Really Mean – https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/things-covert-narcissists-say/
- What a Narcissist Says vs. What They Actually Mean – https://medium.com/the-virago/what-a-narcissist-says-vs-what-they-actually-mean-249a9ddfd135
- The Painful Truth of the “Perfect” Narcissist – Carla Marie Manly, PhD – https://www.drcarlamanly.com/the-painful-truth-of-the-perfect-narcissist/
- Interview: Dealing With a Narcissist in Disguise – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/recover-girl/202305/interview-dealing-with-a-narcissist-in-disguise
- How Narcissists Blame and Accuse Others for Their Own Shortcomings – https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2019/08/narcissists-blame-projection
- The Sting of Covert Narcissism: Why do you feel like you are going crazy? — Covert Narcissism Group – https://www.covertnarcissism.com/the-sting-of-covert-narcissism
- Covert Narcissism: Is My Friend Toxic, Or Am I Just Too Sensitive? – https://medium.com/@amyakianda/covert-narcissism-is-my-friend-toxic-or-am-i-just-too-sensitive-914cb1326aed
- 158 manipulative expressions of narcissists – https://nehemiahisamotu.medium.com/158-manipulative-expressions-of-narcissists-e2c4969524be
- Covert narcissist: how he makes you look like the crazy person – https://terezashealthblog.wordpress.com/2017/11/26/covert-narcissist-how-he-makes-you-look-like-the-crazy-person/
- Narcissist or Just Self-Centered? 4 Ways to Tell – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201509/narcissist-or-just-self-centered-4-ways-tell
- How to spot the signs of a covert narcissist – thewaveclinic.com – https://thewaveclinic.com/blog/how-to-spot-the-signs-of-a-covert-narcissist/
- 6 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do and How to Respond – https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/6-weird-things-covert-narcissists-do-how-respond-kamini-wood
- 6 Traits of Covert Narcissism – https://health.clevelandclinic.org/covert-narcissism
- How Do Covert Narcissists Argue? 6 Techniques They Use – https://www.medicinenet.com/how_do_covert_narcissists_argue/article.htm
- 5 Toxic Arguing Techniques Narcissists Use – https://psychcentral.com/relationships/narcissist-arguing
- Things Covert Narcissists Say: 50 Examples of Covert Narcissism – https://grace-being.com/love-relationships/things-covert-narcissists-say/
- Narcissists all follow the same patterns — here are some of the most common phrases they use to manipulate you – https://www.businessinsider.com/phrases-narcissists-use-2018-8
- 15 Weird Things Covert Narcissists Do: What to Look For – https://www.wikihow.com/Weird-Things-Covert-Narcissists-Do
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